Decisions, Decisions
Anna Hosonaka

I lived in Tokyo from the time I was born until I was 18 years then went to the United States after graduating from high school. Actually, I was planning to stay there for a year only, but I ended up living there for over 8 years, and never knew how I did it.

As a senior in a Japanese high school, everyone was deciding and preparing for their future. I, on the other hand, was not sure what to do next. The only hope that I had was to become a dancer, but again, I did not have a strong incentive or enough motivation to pursue it as my dream. That was also why I was neither interested in going to a college nor working. In other words, I did not want to make such a big decision without being really confident about it. My parents gave me an option to go to the US just to see how it would go. Ridiculously, I was afraid of going abroad, but I accepted their offer because I knew that I had to make some kind of decision very soon.

After I moved to the US in 2001, my new life began. I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life but I continued to study English, never stopped dancing, and tried to do whatever came my way. As I expected, the language was one of the biggest obstacles. There were several embarrassing moments in every day life but the situation became a lot more difficult when I wanted to move to an apartment by myself. The process of looking for an apartment, buying a cell-phone, buying a car, and arranging insurance. The more I tried to be independent, the more problems would come along. For example, experiences with car accidents, car repairs, taxes, and immigration matters were all extremely hard for me to deal with. Since I was a young Japanese female student who did not speak English fluently, people in the organizations would seem to take advantage of my ignorance. This was how I learned the importance of knowledge and preparation and not to trust anyone just from a first impression but mostly, to stay strong. I also realized that although many of my friends might express their sympathy for me, no one would help me. I was the only one who could address the problems I had. It sounds very sad and stressful but this is the way it is, and this is how we become adults.

In the spring of 2005 when I was about to finish the general education course in a community college, there was another decision I had to make: should I start working after graduating from college or should I transfer to a 4-year university. There was a public university that had a special dance program, I had not thought of going there because I was not confident about getting accepted as the audition was too competitive. On the other hand, I was not very happy about working, either. I was just not ready to participate in society without any particular skills. I consulted one of my good friends who had a doctorate degree, and all she said to me was, “Finish your education”. As a result, I decided to go to university. I took the audition, got accepted, and surprisingly, it changed my whole life!

The next stage was when I was about to graduate from the university. By this time, my English skills had improved tremendously. In addition, I had a lot of connections and worked and taught in several professional dance companies. I was now ready to join society. I was no longer afraid of making a bad decision. I was ready for whatever might happen to me. For example, I tried to get a working visa as a dancer after graduating from the university. I had a sponsor, several recommendation letters, and my attorney and I were both feeling optimistic about my case however, we received a letter of denial from the immigration office. Yes, it surprised and hurt me very much and I went to see 8 different attorneys within 2 weeks to find a solution because I could not imagine myself going back to Japan after all the years away. Nevertheless, I soon found out that the only option that I had at the time was to leave the US completely before I became an illegal citizen. It took me a while to accept this because I had not left the US since I arrived at 18 but somehow, I made up my mind to leave.

Compared to the person I was 8 years ago, I know that I have grown so much. I have experienced living in a different environment, and staying strong whatever happens. Perhaps the most unforgettable memory was experiences with the Lula Washington Dance Theater where I used to work. When I became an apprentice in the company in August, 2006 at 23 years old, I was in the second company. After a couple of months, I was allowed to rehearse with the first company but all I was supposed to do was to learn all the repertoires, and dance on the side. In other words, I was not fully considered a first company member because the artistic director, Lula Washington, was living in a demanding artistic world. Nevertheless, I never gave up and kept attending the rehearsals because I really wanted to work with the company. I did not even care about not being able to get a part, but just continued on attending all the rehearsals.

In April 2007, Ms. Washington finally gave me some small parts and allowed me to participate in performances. After that, she announced that I would be one of the touring members for the New York City performances. After the tour she also had me teach dance classes at her dance school. In addition, the most surprisingly and fantastic moment was when the company dancers including myself, were invited to be a part of the movie “Avatar” when Ms. Washington was selected as its choreographer. She choreographed movements on us, and then we taught the movements to actors. I could not appear in the movie due to the immigration problem however; the experience was truly wonderful and amazing. I realized that hard work could make our goals become realities. In my case, it gave me a reason to live, courage to take an action, passion, strength, and even the importance of rest.

Now in Japan, I think of all the decisions that I have made as leading me to my destiny. Whatever a big decision may be, once you have made up your mind, you are OK. As long as you take every decision seriously, you will never regret your choices. The challenge actually makes your life better. I learned from this experience that you have to find your own way to realize what you want to do. It really does not matter what others do. Some people might become famous, seem wealthy, successful, or extremely happy but you need to remember that this is what you see on the outside and your perspective is connected to what you think you ‘should’ be doing or what kind of person you think you ‘should’ be. You never know if those people really feel the same way or have the same view of themselves. A much more important thing is if YOU become happy or not. It does not matter what choice you make as long as you do not regret it. You sometimes have to make decisions by yourself in order to move forward. You might not see what is going to happen immediately, but again, as long as you take every opportunity as an important, challenge that you are meant to have, you will know what you did was right.